i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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