I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
