There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
