If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
