Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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