Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
