Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
