Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
