never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
