I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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