If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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