Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
