Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
