I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
