Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
