Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
