I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
