hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
