If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
