conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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