I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
