i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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