Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
