Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
