Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
