I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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