Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
