dude i'm inner monologue high
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
