Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
