Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
