You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
