Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
