Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
