they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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