i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it's like iHOP with fire
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
