If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
