Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
