It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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