I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
