You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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