So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
