Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
