meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
