It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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