It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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