The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
