I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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