Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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