and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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