I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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