I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
