All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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