i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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