So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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